My First TTC Blog

Well, this month of TTC has thrown me into crazy land.  I had the most beautiful chart, symptoms I never had before, a late Aunt Flo, and everything seemed just right.  Unfortunately, it ended like all of my cycles of TTC, a big fat negative.  After all the worry and frustration, stress and anxiety, I thought maybe it would help to write my feelings.  Hey my husband needs a break! (lol)  I don't know how much more of this I can emotionally handle.  Let me start from the beginning (short version I promise).

My husband and I have been trying for just about 6 years.  In the first 3 years we tried naturally to conceive.  No Luck.  Finally we decided that we needed some help and I got a new ob/gyn in my town.  She was wonderful and willing to work with me.  We did several tests and everything came back just fine.  She worked with me for 9 months and then transferred out of state.  I had to look for another dr.  In the meantime, we were TTCing and not getting anywhere. 

I found a new Dr and met with her.  She kind of brushed me off and told me that her Physician's Assistant would be working with me.  The PA was kind, at first, she seemed proactive and got me on a drug called Metformin.  I was told this was "the Magic Drug".  The only magic I found in it was that it magically sent me running to the bathroom every 30 to 40 minutes.  After about a month of this I called and asked if there was any other drug that could be substituted.  The response I get, "No, there isn't anything else.  Unless you lose weight there is nothing I can do to help you."  I was furious, ashamed, and felt hopeless all at once.  I almost through in the towel completely.  Ok, so I'm definitely not skinny, but I'm also not huge.  I'm a bigger girl and I'm working on that, but that's a story for a different day.

After the "discussion" with the PA, I wasn't going to go to anymore doctors.  I had had enough and figured that anyone that I found after this would just say the same thing.  My dear husband and a bunch of my JM ladies convinced me to search again.  I finally found my wonderful OB/GYN that I'm working with now.  He's great!  Never made mention of my weight, I'm more than a number.  He started me on Clomid.  The first cycle was 50mg.  I didn't ovulate my first cycle and the cycle lasted about 42 days.  The second round again at 50mg resulted in me ovulating.  Yay!  But still a BFN.  My cycle shortened up to 32 days and a luteal phase of 15 days.  Again BFN.  Third cycle ended the same however luteal phase moved to 13 days.  My dosage was increased to 100mg in my fourth cycle.  I started testing early at 7dpo, I thought I saw something but it was just a cheap test.  I did another test at 8dpo which came back positive.  I was so excited.  I could hardly contain myself.  At 9dpo, it was gone.  So I went from so excited and elated to shattered.  Which brings me to this cycle.

This journey so far has not been easy....